10 things I learned in Marriage

After being married for over 12 years and being around other couples that have been married (over a decade or two), most would agree that marriage is WORK. If you think you are going to skate through it with only happy go lucky feels, you may be setting yourself up for a major let down.

Anything worthwhile will always involve some amount of energy, time, compromise and work. A combination of joy and pain. With that being said, here are some things that I have learned.

10 Things About Marriage:

1- Dating and marriage are NOT the same

Even though “dating” your spouse is important in a marriage, dating and marriage are two very different parts of a relationship. Marriage is more intricate and has many layers to it.

2- Respect and boundaries

This is an area I have personally struggled with. Setting boundaries have always felt like I was micro-managing and “parental”. I realized that was the wrong way to think. It’s important to establish VERY clear boundaries. You have to remember, you are a team. Every team has a set of rules and a code of conduct.

3- The environment one was raised in (certain things can spill over into your marriage)

People do carry a lot of their upbringing with them into their marriage. Ignoring potential issues thinking they won’t happen in your marriage is endearing and hopeful but not 100% realistic. Understanding that “heirlooms” can and will be passed down. Some good, others not so good.

4- Communication is critical in a marriage

This one act can literally make or break your marriage. SO important to be able to express your feelings and concerns without your spouse devaluing them. Two people coming together, will never ever have the same exact view and opinions on topics.

5- Not about you anymore

Narcissism and being selfish can not exist in a marriage. It’s not just about you anymore. Considering your spouse in your actions and choices has to be a conscious daily choice.

6- Marriage has seasons of good and bad

This one may be hard for someone to relate to if they haven’t been through a challenging season yet. But you will go through life hardships that will impact your marriage. Some will strengthen it and others will force you to go separate ways.

7- Forgiveness

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person and making what they did ok or right. It has everything to do with releasing the hurt in your heart so you can live with happiness vs disappointment. It’s really about not allowing another person’s words/actions to impact your spirit, mind and heart.

8- Pride has no place in a marriage

PRIDE, can literally destroy a marriage at its core. Its self centered nature can be dangerously damaging to the health of a relationship. Refer back to #5 😉

9- Common interests

I know people say opposites attract, but having common interests helps keep you both connected. It also helps with planning fun dates.

10- You can not control someone’s decisions and choices

At the end of the day, you and only you can make your marriage a priority. That’s why its important to find a good partner from the start. And, it’s pretty clear when someone’s not into making it a priority in their life.

Being present is not what makes a marriage a marriage, its dedicating yourself to living a life with another person with respect, value and care.

If you enjoyed this read, you may also like this post about self care in a relationship.

Thank you for taking the time to stop by to read my post today.

Much Love,

 

 

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(Disclaimer: I am no marriage expert and this post is coming from my perspective)