Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood

Let’s flashback to 2015. It’s 4 am. I just finished nursing my 3rd and gently place her back into her crib. As I head back to my bedroom, I make a quick stop to use the bathroom. I flick on the light and wait until my eyes adjust. That’s when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

At that moment, it felt like it was the first time I REALLY looked at myself after becoming a mom.

As I looked at my reflection I thought, “Who was that person looking back at me?” “What happened to the ambitious woman with the big dreams and goals?” “How did I lose myself in this motherhood journey and not even see it happening?”

Realization

Standing there. I barely recognized who I had become. After years of motherhood, my existence was 110% about everyone around me. Their success was my success. I somehow developed and felt guilty for having my own desires for success. That they were somehow selfish with my role as wife and mother. So I would ignore what I was feeling inside and primarily set my focus entirely on my husband’s career, the kids, the house, and everything else before myself.

Being a woman who’s a natural giver making EVERYONE ELSE happy always came first. Leaving no room for any of my own interests, goals, dreams, or things that brought me personal happiness. There I was standing in that bathroom, in the silence of a quiet house, feeling empty. Wondering, “How did I get here?”.

Waking Up

That next morning I woke up, literally and figuratively. I promised myself that on that day I would start making myself a priority again. I knew it would be hard and challenging since I would have to change my mindset after years of doing the same thing over and over again. But I knew I had to.

I had really thought that selfless love was the best form of love to give. I was a devoted and very accommodating wife to my husband (we moved a whole bunch of times for his job and me losing all my support system). His dreams were my dreams. I kept an immaculate home. Would even put my husband’s laundry away so he wouldn’t have more stress when he came home from work. I know ladies, please don’t shake your head on that one but it was my truth at the time. It’s what I thought was vital. I shake my head now knowing I did that. What was I thinking??!! haha!

The kids kept excelling and I could cook up the best 3-course organic meal ever! It’s safe to say that many actually envied us. The perfect little family. What they didn’t see was the slow deterioration of the woman I was intended to be. Assertive, confident, dreamer, and aspirational. None of that was me. I was submissive, quiet, and dreams were not even part of my life. I had become complacent.

But all those domesticated things didn’t really matter. I was draining myself EVERY DAY trying to get everything just right so my family would have harmony and everyone would be happy. I was exhausted all the time and truthfully no one cared if the laundry was done and they were eating organic meals.

What I Know Now

I’m a natural giver. It’s part of who I am. I love making people feel special and cared for. What I failed to realize at the time, is that it had to come with boundaries and also moderation. I also failed to realize that I needed myself to make ME feel special and cared for too. I had to give back to myself in ways that fulfilled me.

If there is one piece of advice I would give to another mother it would be this, “Know your worth” and “SET boundaries”.If you keep putting others before yourself you will get burnt out. Make TIME for you and your own interests. Also, don’t be afraid to say NO.

I would also probably add to not stress yourself over things that won’t matter years from now. Do you honestly think a clean floor will matter years from now? NO! But you going for a walk, a run or taking care of your health WILL! Think of what will have a greater impact, long term vs short term.

The Future

That early morning in 2015 changed my life. It was in those quiet early morning moments I realized I needed to make a change in my motherhood journey and FAST!

That’s when I dusted off my camera and started dabbling with social media content creating.

So here I am, 5 years later. I can’t believe how much has changed in such a short amount of time in my motherhood journey, professionally. spiritually and internally. It’s been an incredible journey to be able to do things that inspire me and also be able to help other women along the way.

I share this raw motherhood story with you all for two reasons. To hopefully encourage you to never stop dreaming and to always make yourself a priority.

My life is no longer JUST about my husband’s career, the kids, etc. It’s also about me living a life that leaves me fulfilled, happy, and knowing that no matter how small, I’m helping to create a positive change in other women’s lives. When you are fulfilled and complete, everyone else around you benefits too.