Knowing Your Worth
I promised myself that 2018 would be the year of intention. The year I would use “RELEASE” as my focal word. That mindset has helped me be more comfortable with opening up. Sharing personal aspects of my life to better connect with others and my readers. It’s been a slow process but I’m getting there. Today I’m sharing something that I contemplated sharing, knowing your worth- self-care.
What You See
On the outside, most people would describe me as fun, friendly, social, outgoing, adventurous, and caring. All are true, but there is another part that I keep hidden- how I feel about myself. Something that holds deep emotions and has been a struggle for me. Making this a difficult post to write.
“I struggle with knowing my worth”.(I can’t even believe I just wrote that!!)
How It May Have Started
If I think about it, it can probably be traced back to how I was raised. Growing up, there was always this high expectation of how I had to be. Slowly being shaped into a people pleaser without even realizing it. Over time, developing this automatic reflex to make sure everyone around me was happy and when they weren’t I was left feeling like I failed in some way.
Past Reliving Itself
All my life experiences, big or small, actually have put me in the position I am in now. It started when I was young but I allowed it to continue into my adulthood. For years, I have been trying to make all those around me happy while slowly depleting myself of my own worth and self-care. Even allowing people to come into my life that are not deserving OR to allow those that have treated me with NO regard, continues to be in my life (something I struggle with now).
How It Feels
The best way to explain, it is like this internal need to always remain “likable”. Constantly forgiving and making excuses for others’ poor behavior or decisions. Not being confident enough in developing my own personal boundaries. I often walk away from a situation thinking, “Why didn’t I say something?”, “Why did I just allow that?”, “Why am I questioning myself on things that don’t settle well with me?”.
Why Share This
In 2015, I had my “AHA” moment. That’s when I started to shift my thinking and started to make a change. You can read more about it HERE.It’s a big part of my story, a part of who I am. It’s also a part of why I started Life of Alley. To demonstrate how even when you do have struggles you still have POWER in your choices, being a beacon of LIGHT and HOPE for others. I do have this internal struggle and have been working on it behind the scenes, getting stronger each and every day. But not gonna lie, it hurts when I look in the mirror. Knowing that I was created with so much to give and yet I allow this feeling to remain “likable” control so much of who I am. I always thought by this time in my life all this would have worked itself out but it hasn’t.
So here I am, in all my mess. Sharing a part of me that I would rather not but I also know that when we RELEASE truth great freedom comes from it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this very sensitive post of mine. I sincerely appreciate all of you that have supported me for several years. You have NO idea how much this whole, Life of Alley, journey has helped me.
Much Love to you!
